a crazy summer

I don't know what the plan is anymore...I'm worried about my spiritual self again...It's strange how easily I fall into doubt and sin. And worst of all, I make the same mistakes all the time.

I always struggle with prayer, even though my very spirit wants to...yet something causes the words to stick in my throat. 

And work...it kills my soul and dreams a little more each day...but it offers the sly little gift of being a stable paycheck. And a part of me wants to be a guide for all my fellow workers...but I think I am quite too weak and sinful to be a good example. It is one thing I lack much of...and that is constancy--in mood, in belief, and in determination. 

But...I am tired now...and I will go to bed. I have a date to play tennis with a friend at 8 am.